The Piece I Just Don't Like

Again, this is part of a series.

To read Part 1, click here

To read Part 2, click here

To read Part 3, click here

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So, the piece I don't like. I want to preface, this isn't meant to be a gripe session. It's not meant for me to verbal vomit about all the things I'm unhappy about. However, it is meant to show honesty. To show that sometimes, life just stinks. Everyone has those days. There are different extremes to what we think of as issues. I know that my "issues" don't compare to those of the orphans I encountered last week. I know that my "issues" are different from those who suffer from life threatening diseases, from abuse and poverty. I'm not saying that my "issues" come close to that. And realizing that reminds me of how blessed I am.

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However, I believe that no matter what, in the moment of whatever we personally deal with (big or small, justified or not) - sometimes it's just HARD.

This is the piece that I put in my mouth and take one bite and know I'm in trouble. Not sure if I can stomach it. My taste buds and my stomach have a fight and neither is willing to make a home for the piece I just bit into (figuratively speaking - it's hard to process). In the moment, I think "Why in the world would the creator of this chocolate put this piece in this box? Seriously, I didn't want this when I accepted the box. Can I take it back? Change the flavors?"

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I won't go into too many specifics but I will share a short list of things that have happened since I've come to Thailand (not really unique to Thailand necessarily but things that I have gone through on my journey that makes the thought of "seriously, I signed up for this?" cross my mind from time to time).

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Again, not complaining, just being honest with feelings.

These are the pieces (the days) when . . .

• things add up: the heat, the smells of squid and fish sauce and strange meats, the mosquitoes insistence on biting EVERY part of my body, the lizards jump out, the roaches scurry across the floor of our home, the ants invade our lives, the language barrier gets in the way of communicating and I realize charades just won't cut it, the stares that won't stop, the comments about us being foreigners ware one my patience, the difficulty in sometimes accomplishing simple tasks, the exhaustion from it all.
• last year when it felt like the obstacles were becoming more frequent, bigger and almost impossible to overcome
• I just miss people. My family. My friends. My family (did I mention them already?). I miss face to face conversations with the people I would "do life" with regularly. Knowing that I'm missing things is tough. Holidays, Birthdays, fun parties, showers, births, engagements, weddings, etc. This is probably one of the things that is the hardest. Missing out. On people. On conversations. On events. On memories.

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However, I have the reassurance that God has me where He wants me at this moment. He knows it isn't easy to endure or sacrifice these things. However, He's asked me to be obedient. I have experiences, memories, people - friends and "family", and laughs here. They in no way replace those I've left back in the States, but they are still rich and full of blessings. He keeps teaching me through every experience. ESPECIALLY during the pieces I don't like.

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I know that if God gave me the pieces I always wanted, I'd grow bored. I would grow unappreciative. I would take those pieces for granted. When he mixes up the box, He brings variety to life. He brings reminders of hope. Reminders of his grace and mercy. Reminders of his unconditional and unfailing love.

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"Let me remember that when I question God's dealings. I don't understand Him, but the I'm not asked to understand, only to trust. Bitterness dissolves when I remember the kind of love with which He has loved me - He gave Himself for me. Whatever He is doing now, therefore, is not cause for bitterness. It has to be designed for good, because He loved me and gave Himself for me."

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"Difficulty opens our eyes to pleasures we have taken for granted."

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Both Quotes from Elisabeth Elliot's Keep a Quiet Heart.