An Opportunity

I almost missed it.

I turned it down at first. And not gently. But quickly. And selfishly.

My roommates and I were in our teacher's planning room on a non-teaching day working on our prep. Emily opened an update from a local church here in Chiang Mai.

"Hey Brittany, they are looking for someone to help teach card making to a girl and her aunt who live in the slums. The girl has HIV and she is looking for a way to support herself. What do you think?"

Consumed by all I had on my plate, my response went something like "uh, yeah, that would be nice if I had the time - but I just don't feel like I do."

I think Emily thought I was frustrated that she would even bring that to my attention. Granted, she brought it up because she knows that I love making cards, that I love the opportunity to channel my creativity. And maybe I could meet a need by doing something I really enjoy.

But I see it differently - at first, I kept talking in circles, trying to justify my reasoning. About a minute later, I could feel the regret - I think I too hastily turned that down. I apologized for the way that I so quickly and curtly responded (thinking that would help get rid of the lump in my throat that just showed up).

But it didn't .

About a week later, after some thought and prayer - I decided to crack open the door. An opportunity knocked. I ignored it but it hadn't gone away. There was no update to say the need was filled.

The need was still sitting on my doorstep: the girl and her aunt (okay, not literally - just figuratively :).

They were still looking for someone to help. I wasn't comfortable about flinging to door wide open. I still had a lot of hesitations.

I mean, what do I really have to offer? Yeah, I've made home-made cards before - but they were just for fun. I never considered turning it into a business. I mean I am a foreigner in this country. I don't know the first thing about marketing the cards or where to find the best and cheapest supplies.

I had a long list of excuses but in the end, I decided to crack the door open. See if there was anything that I could to help - and if not - at least I tried. I could feel good about the fact that I peeked out. Then I could shut the door and feel justified.

So, I respond to the church's email. Letting them know I have a little experience in card making but wasn't sure about the whole resource and marketing piece of it all.

It took about a week to cooridnate between that email and the day that I went to meet the girl (Mae) and her aunt.

I drove into the slums. Parked my car. Made my way through the allies, walked past the chickens, past the shabby huts, sat on the rickety bench and met Mae and her aunt.

And as I drove away from my meeting, I prayed. And then I cried - knowing that this opportunity was one from God. Knowing that the door had been flung wide open and I no longer had a comfortable grip on the door knob. That me accepting it wasn't about me. It wasn't about how comfortable I felt or how prepared or ready or able (having time, resources, etc.). I still felt inadequate about what I was jumping into - but I knew I couldn't turn around.

It was His desire. It's about Him. About His sufficiency. About trusting that He will provide where I lack. It's about following where He leads - not justifying my reasons for standing still. But moving forward. Even if it's a baby step or opening the door a tiny crack - because He can use that. And He can move us forward - He just needs us to be willing.

I'm just starting a frienship with her; just starting to teach her - just scratching the surface of her story, my heart is broken and honored that I can be part of Mae's story and watch it unfold.

TO BE CONTINUED . . . (next I'll write a post about more of Mae's story and my first week of teaching her - which was last week. Also, I'll tell you how YOU can get involved in a simple but helpful way!)